Sleeping With The Enemy

When your partner or husband says to you, “If I cant have you, then no one can” simply means he really is crazy about you. When I say crazy, I mean CRAZY! Not romantically crazy but possessively crazy. If I can’t have have you no one else can is more of a threat than love.

 

“Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or who have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.” – The UK Govt

Women are the main victims of domestic violence though men can be too. One thing I know for a fact is that domestic violence does not discriminate.  Just because so and so looks happy on the outside does not mean things are all well at home. Just because she is successful does not mean she can’t be a victim.

Whatever form it might take, domestic violence is never a one off and it can start at any time in the relationship and way past the end of it too. Domestic violence is always a repetitive action that caries on for years. At first you think its “so much love” that your partner has for you but when you finally open your eyes you realise that not allowing you to have friends over except the ones they approve of, when every back ground noise is questioned (the market counts). How about when you get dropped off at the hairdressers and on the occasion that they don’t stick around, you receive at least 3 phone calls every hour from them until you are done, or when your innocent smile to the shopkeeper is suddenly mistaken for a fling; These actions are not just adorable but worrying. Though physical and verbal abuse are the most common actions used to alter or control one’s behaviour, abusers are also known to use different strategies in order to achieve a desired behaviour in their partners/victims. It becomes a lot easier for them and much harder for the victim to overcome this especially if the victim has very low self esteem or has been ill for sometime. The worst of all their strategies is murder.

Femicide can be described as the act of killing of girls or women by their domestic partners. The femicide statistics show that 2 women in England and Wales a week are killed through domestic violence. Which means that from January to late August 2013, 79 women have already been killed so far. That is 1 woman every 3.1 days!

Domestic violence is a crime and should be reported to the police or the many other organisations that can help you. In the United Kingdom there is the English National Domestic Violence HelplineWales Domestic Abuse HelplineWomen’s Aid Federation and Scottish Women’s Aid to name but a few. Unfortunately, so many women live with violent partners and never seem to see an end to the domestic abuse even after the relationship has broken down. Finding the strength to report the incidents let alone moving own is neither easy.

Telling a friend or a family member is a good thing. Though some of these friends or family members might not believe or take your concern seriously, you can’t give up. This must not stop you from telling someone else or seeking help elsewhere. It is worth trying because one of these people/organisations might actually be the ones who save your life.

Women please take notice, just because your husband or partner is not using you as a punching bag does not mean you are not facing domestic violence in your relationship. Domestic violence is real and it’s high time we put a stop to it. Please say no to domestic violence and remember that you are not all alone.

About Salha Kaitesi 13 Articles
Mother, Daughter of Rwanda| Founder of Beauty of Rwanda, Executive Editor of Teakisi, Owner of sTesi| I am a Gender Equality and Empowerment Champion| None Of Us Can Move Forward If Half Of Us Are Left Behind

6 Comments

  1. This is so touching !

    I really think this is such an important topic to share amongst women ! So thank you for sharing your storie and thoughts x

    I had a friend who I suspect was a victim of femicide but she never reported the violence to the police , she never told the truth to the doctors at A & E , she never talked to a women’s aid near her but worse if allshe never talked to me properly about it ! , she mentioned bits and bobs but she minimised the abuse and justified it as her fault !

    These are typical things for a women todo in her situation , but the worse thing that could possibly happen , happend !!

    She passed away in her sleep ! Blood clot on her brain !

    She had been beaten 2 weeks previous but she never reported it to the police ever ! , she never talked to Wais , or me other friends or family that much we knew it had happend and we did nothing , at least that’s how I felt .

    I know now how important it is to talk to women’s aid , you don’t have to tell the police if you don’t want to but just having it logged with women’s aid could help with getting him convicted should anything God forbid happen to you if your a women reading this and it’s happening to you , please talk to a women’s aid near you there’s a 24 hour help line number that’s free it’s 0808 800 0340 help line for women number !

    If my friend had done this then maybe we would have been able to get a conviction !

    Anyway I’m off now it’s to upsetting to think about x

    Ps your friend was beautiful !

    God bless

    Sarah from Nottinghsm xx

    • It’s a very sad situation. I can only pray and hope that the future is brighter for our children. I miss Linah and deep down I still can’t believe she left the world the way she did. She didn’t deserve it. It’s so heartbreaking 🙁 … Thanks

      • Your very welcome xxx she’s with the Angles in paradise testing with The Lord himself safe in his arms xx Amen God bless her soul sure she was a lovely kind hearted person such a shame xx

  2. Domestic Violence has been the least talked about issue for a very long time, but it is fast becoming the most widespread. Nobody wants to talk about it but the end result affects everyone. There needs to be greater awareness in communities and encouragement for women to speak up.

    October is Domestic Violence awareness month in the US and I will be taking part in activities in my local area.

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