When your partner or husband says to you, “If I cant have you, then no one can” simply means he really is crazy about you. When I say crazy, I mean CRAZY! Not romantically crazy but possessively crazy. If I can’t have have you no one else can is more of a threat than love.
“Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or who have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.” – The UK Govt
Women are the main victims of domestic violence though men can be too. One thing I know for a fact is that domestic violence does not discriminate. Just because so and so looks happy on the outside does not mean things are all well at home. Just because she is successful does not mean she can’t be a victim.
Whatever form it might take, domestic violence is never a one off and it can start at any time in the relationship and way past the end of it too. Domestic violence is always a repetitive action that caries on for years. At first you think its “so much love” that your partner has for you but when you finally open your eyes you realise that not allowing you to have friends over except the ones they approve of, when every back ground noise is questioned (the market counts). How about when you get dropped off at the hairdressers and on the occasion that they don’t stick around, you receive at least 3 phone calls every hour from them until you are done, or when your innocent smile to the shopkeeper is suddenly mistaken for a fling; These actions are not just adorable but worrying. Though physical and verbal abuse are the most common actions used to alter or control one’s behaviour, abusers are also known to use different strategies in order to achieve a desired behaviour in their partners/victims. It becomes a lot easier for them and much harder for the victim to overcome this especially if the victim has very low self esteem or has been ill for sometime. The worst of all their strategies is murder.
Femicide can be described as the act of killing of girls or women by their domestic partners. The femicide statistics show that 2 women in England and Wales a week are killed through domestic violence. Which means that from January to late August 2013, 79 women have already been killed so far. That is 1 woman every 3.1 days!
Domestic violence is a crime and should be reported to the police or the many other organisations that can help you. In the United Kingdom there is the English National Domestic Violence Helpline, Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline, Women’s Aid Federation and Scottish Women’s Aid to name but a few. Unfortunately, so many women live with violent partners and never seem to see an end to the domestic abuse even after the relationship has broken down. Finding the strength to report the incidents let alone moving own is neither easy.
Telling a friend or a family member is a good thing. Though some of these friends or family members might not believe or take your concern seriously, you can’t give up. This must not stop you from telling someone else or seeking help elsewhere. It is worth trying because one of these people/organisations might actually be the ones who save your life.
Women please take notice, just because your husband or partner is not using you as a punching bag does not mean you are not facing domestic violence in your relationship. Domestic violence is real and it’s high time we put a stop to it. Please say no to domestic violence and remember that you are not all alone.