Tale Of The African Woman

She was born prepared. Prepared for marriage.  She was conceived, born, weaned, raised for one purpose:  marriage.

It might not look like it in this day and age, with many parents now sending their girls to school, but when it comes down to it, for many, it all still boils down to marriage. She needs to be an asset and to be a good wife.

The marriage is usually not for her, it is for the man.  The proof is in the preparation.  It is one-sided.  The woman is prepared all her life to be everything a man wants, she is taught how to cook, clean, keep a good home, how to treat her in-laws, how to raise children, how to talk to her husband and in some cultures how to please him sexually.

The result therefore is a fully prepared wife and an unprepared husband, and somehow, she is magically expected to make the marriage work.

She is told to be a house wife, so the children can be well raised and her husband can be properly and duly attended to. But then, he doesn’t respect her because she is totally dependent on him.

She decides to work. He complains about the hours at work.

She is told to cook for her husband, but she just wishes he would cook for her once in a while so she can feel special. She makes her desire known, he threatens to take himself to another woman who will not mind doing all the cooking.

Ironically, he says, “baby, I don’t want you stressing yourself with cooking, let us eat out” to the woman he is cheating on her with.

She is told to keep mute and allow him make all the decisions, as that is what good and submissive wives do. She listens. Only, he soon realizes he doesn’t want a boring wife and the way she agrees with everything bores him to death.

She decides to start arguing. He soon complains about the lack of respect towards him.

She is told to be “bad” with her husband in bed. Men want it in different styles and they need you to be creative in bed matters. She listens. He suspects her of being a call girl in her other life.

She decides to let him initiates sex, so she can be the little miss innocent he seems to want. He accuses her of an insipid sex life.

She is told to dress the “married woman” part, which for many of our African ancestors is basically bland and unattractive. Her husband is soon to find her bland and unattractive.

Then she decides to add a little color, society goes crazy! She is not acting like a married woman.

Her husband abuses her daily, she decides to divorce him. Society blames her every day of her life without knowing her story.

She keeps the abuse to herself because “what would people say?” and dies. Society wonders why did she not speak out, forgetting they would have been the same people that would have made her life miserable for daring to divorce a man who did her the world’s greatest favor by marrying her.

She decides not to get married. She must be a lesbian or a renegade. How dare she goes against society norms?

She is single and rich. She must have let a top man hump her to get that position. God forbid that she has a brain and worked hard to reach that position. Don’t we know that brains and intelligence are exclusively reserved to the male gender?

The tale of an African woman is a story of misogyny and unfair treatment. Writing about it cannot quite capture its pathetic state.

Thank God things are changing and a lot of blind eyes are gradually opening.

We all hope for more and do not discount the progress that has already been made over the years.  It will come a time that the tale of the African woman will have a new tune, a new ending.  One where she is respected, acknowledge and treated with the utmost care, love and respect.




Ayandola Ayanleke
Mambo / 21 April 2017

Ultimately bred for marriage.

Johnson / 27 April 2017

Aptly written…….I wish i can write the tale of an African Man…lol. Permit me to say that certain things cannot be changed. Some roles and responsibilities are default and cannot be swapped but this doesn’t mean that true essence of livelihood should be eroded. God already designed the African woman’s womb to carry babies but that doesn’t turn her to a baby factory. The purpose and life of an African woman is more than just to get married and a correct husband will see her as more than just prepared for marriage irrespective of what the society feels……meanwhile, the African Man is also being prepared for marriage for theres more to marriage than house chores and bedtime fun. In the midst of all of these, we have seen beautiful and ugly marriages, we have seen married women doing extraordinarily things and we have also seen miserable ones. Bottomline is one will make out of his or her life whatever one is convinced is essential and important.

Ayandola Ayanleke / 27 April 2017

I understand your opinion on roles, even though I strongly believe roles are not written in stone but can be amended depending on the dynamics of the home. The crux of this post is not to say men do not get prepared or have no responsibility in the home. But that they are not prepared for the said relationship. A lot of men think their role ends in providing and that is all. But a leader cannot lead only as a financial leader, not in this era when women are also expected to provide. A time would come if care is not taken that many men would become useless in their homes because they don’t know how to be fathers or husbands. Teach our men too, that’s the message and appreciate that a woman is a human being

AGALI / 27 April 2017

This post might be inspiring but makes all men looks evil and uncivilised in a westernised society and the writer more of a feminist than a realist.

Let not forget that the society also is populated by African women.

Good write up but strengthen your premise for your argument.

Ayandola Ayanleke / 30 April 2017

The intent of the post is not to make men look evil but to blame society for its unfairness and like you have pointed out, society is made up of both men and women. I believe many men act the way they do because society has told them that is how a “real man” should act and sometimes it doesn’t bring them satisfaction, making it hard for them to take a stand. So, like the concluding part suggests society – not men per se because they are also a innocent product of the unfair society – is unfair to women.


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