At an early age in most cultures, the girl child is forced to master the art of suppressing her emotions by constantly being reminded that her family, friends, future partner, and in-laws will do their worst. So it’s in her best interest to be numb, tameable, have a big heart, and accommodating as many discomforts as possible. I often wonder why it’s only her. The girl child is tormented enough trying to understand the changes that are happening within her body before adding the weight of what society is already expecting of her.
Some of us do find ourselves in ordeals where we struggle to accept a particular situation. It’s an entire process if you ask me. We start by making peace with it, forgiving ourselves, and then looking forward to the eventual possibility of dealing with everything else that’s somehow overwhelming us, while having people impatiently tell us and remind us to just get over it; “It didn’t start with you, and for sure, you won’t be the last person it’s happening to either”, they say.
Oh! Well, allow me to tell you that this is how society brutalises those of us that are a tad bit slow in the forgiveness department. Hold up!!! I’m not saying we like holding grudges, not even close to that. We just take our time to internalise situations and everything else. “Forgive, forget, move on already”! This right here is what everyone around us expects from us, no matter how someone chooses to heal. People move on at a very different pace to whatever happens to them in life, but still, why condemn or put pressure to change things faster? For instance, if a decade-long relationship abruptly ends because one of them wants something tangible while the other doesn’t, it will obviously result in one of them calling it quits, automatically someone will eventually get hurt, and he or she will be the least prepared of them both.
The one breaking it off usually has a very different mindset, which can be illustrated as follows, “Look, I’ve hurt you; it’s done. Can we move on to something else already? “ What I am trying to say here is that the one who wants to end the relationship might or might not feel any remorse whatsoever. But once an apology has been issued, it is expected that the receiving end should just suck it up, accept it and move on with or without closure. If only it was that simple. I applaud whoever forgets as fast as they forgive. Some people are very big on forgiving which is very, very commendable and you my dear, are part of a rare group of people.
So, let us break it down, did you truly forget, or did you simply choose not to acknowledge any lingering feelings or memories associated with that specific incident? in my opinion, time does heal wounds, but the scars remain, and every time you look at them, I bet you will remember a thing or two. It just doesn’t affect you like it used to.
The truth is that the damage has been done and it can’t be taken back. The bullet has left the cartridge, and it’s long gone. We are constantly taught to have a big forgiving heart in every situation, because, truth be told, life is already hard enough to torment yourself over everything and anything. Do you think you have it hard? Wait until you hear someone else’s story. If you have to cry, scream, break things, curse out to feel any better, please do so. Allow yourself to externalise some of those emotions. Your body needs everything it can get. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, you are just human and you don’t always have to numb your feelings to appear strong.