“I don’t want to have a female boss”
“Female bosses are wicked.”
You have probably heard this said a number of times or even said it yourself. When I was a lot younger and I would say, ignorant, I believed this too, even without having a female boss. You know how stereotypes are cemented into our systems that we find ourselves subconsciously acting based on the belief. Sometimes, we don’t even have any personal experience but because it is said, we believe it and run with it. Now, I ask questions and I think for myself. And now, I have discovered that sometimes, female bosses are not mean, they are just misjudged.
Before you get all defensive, I do agree that there are some female bosses who are naturally mean and wicked, but I have also come to realise that they are not mean because they are women, they are mean because they are just mean human beings. And humans come in different shapes and sizes; the good, the bad and the ugly. Wickedness is not a special reserve for women, while having a kind heart is not tied to being a man. Anybody can be mean and anybody can be kind, irrespective of their gender. What I have discovered is people are simply uncomfortable with a woman in a leadership position and exhibiting leadership qualities.
We agree that leaders should be kind, sensitive and empathetic but we also agree that leaders are assertive, determined, inspire accountability, strong, passionate, driven, self-assured, bold, decisive, tough, and don’t shy away from necessary confrontations. Sadly, while we know all these, these are qualities that are applauded in men and condemned in women. It may seem flattering when people say, “well, women are supposed to be soft because they are naturally created to be soft, that is why people expect so much from them.”
No people, there is nothing flattering about shaming a woman for her personality and ability to lead. It is patronising. There is no one-size-fit-all for women just like there isn’t for men, so if a woman has leadership qualities, it should not come as a surprise or termed negative. Your female boss might not be mean; she is probably just fulfilling her role in making sure her team performs to the best of their ability. People, in general, take leaders who are not assertive and are scared of confrontation for granted. But when your female boss is doing all these and you term her wicked, then you might want to try to be a little fair.
Would you have condemned those same attributes in a male boss? So ask yourself this, is your boss really mean, or you are simply seeking for someone to accommodate your excesses?
Exactly! We’d never criticise a man for exhibiting the same attribute. Leadership at work requires masculine energy and that’s just it. Having said that, the nicest boss I had was a woman.
I have heard female supervisors as well and they are the nicest people.
Thank you for reading.
that’s it really, the women don’t do differently than the men when holding a position, but people expect softness instead of firmness, they want to do able to get away with their excesses because she’s a female boss.
Girl, it irks me.
It really irritates me when I see someone saying that about a female boss especially when they would not criticise the same behaviour in a man. People need to be more objective.
Like, it’s unfair when men are applauded for same thing women are condemned for.
Well, in my opinion having ever had one super mean female boss, I must say agree. They are not mean because they are female, it’s because they are human and unfortunately their humanity is wired that way. What really intrigues me is the fact that some of them will be exclusively mean to a female colleagues and super nice, respectful and everything to the male colleagues.
Could it be coincidence?
Because I also know that there is a tendency of bad competition when it comes to a lady-lady relationship(sadly). Mostly rare if it’s the opposite.
I would have to agree to your last statement because I have seen it play out as well. It’s all as a result of a wrong wiring and training they have. That’s why we need to keep creating awareness so women know that we are stronger together.