February! Roses Are Brown
Hello there beautiful people.
Roses are red, violets are blue – Why are most writers single? Scratch that. Roses are red, violets are blue. Single mama’s how is dating again going for you? My roses are brown. Sigh. February is upon us. Love and lovers are making very loud noises. Ideally, the plan this month is to write about single mums and finding love again. Because, what better time to talk about love than in February. I even have my eyes on someone’s son, but I don’t know if he knows. It’s complicated. But I digress. Let’s get into what is making my roses brown.
I have a 2-year old (and 2 months) that has been driving me over and beyond the wall. I have been in and out of anxiety for over 2 weeks. I had no idea that developmental regression in toddlers is a thing. And so, the love topic is too sensitive to be talked about under the influence of parenting fatigue. Childrearing is a whole sport. And I am tired. So, we had started to pee in the potty and even stopped wearing diapers at night. The laundry pile had reduced in half and my life was on a trajectory. I was a proud happy mum. A 2-year-old that can go the entire night without wetting the bed.
Life was good.
And then all of a sudden, My diva would be wide awake and pee on the bed. And then tell me. “Mama I chuchu on da bed!!” I let it go the first time. I thought to myself maybe it’s the flu and she is in a mood. Then she did the same thing the next and every day for 2 weeks. I have been angry every morning. Like raging mad. I barked at her, I even spanked her a little to get the point driven into her head. Pee belongs in the potty, not on our bed. (Yes we share a bed.) She also starts to pee in her clothing and comes into the house to change each time. Up to 6 outfits in a day. I noticed I was losing it slowly and over scolding her. Then every night I would go to bed feeling guilty for overdoing it on a human that moves on pretty quickly for my liking. Pee trickling down on me, is how I have been waking up every day. This affected my work. Consistency and effectiveness in some things have just failed to fall in place.
Since I became a mum, my daughter has been my priority. Her father chose to not be involved. I chose to stick by her like white on rice. I can’t function unless she and I are good. When she is happy, I am happy and when I am happy, she is happy. We compliment each other. I confided in a friend about how I was feeling. Clarifying why I have not been able to submit an article every Wednesday for reviews as I promised. Elijah’s word will stay with me forever.
I cried in pain and release.
I can’t and I will not pretend that I understand what you are going through. But in my heart, I am sensing a conversation that you need to enjoy this period. There are things you have set out to do and want to achieve. Like writing every week. Books you want to read. so many things you want to do and places you want to go to. But you can’t do that as planned because Eren is going through a stage.
I think you need to learn how to enjoy this moment. You need to enjoy it when she regresses. She has not chosen to do so consciously. And so don’t be angry, don’t be pissed..she has not consciously chosen to do all to annoy you. As a mother, your job is to be like the Holy Spirit, like Jesus, like God. Hold her hand and walk with her. Use these opportunities as frustrating as they can be because they take you off your rhythm. Talk to her, love her, tell her it’s going to be okay. If you feel frustrated and overwhelmed you inadvertently and subconsciously transfer all of those emotions and feelings towards her. You can’t hide them from her, she is feeling them. So ask God to give you the grace to see the joy and fun in this period. Also, be a new person. Someone once told me, whatever you want to achieve you need to be a new person to get that thing. So try to figure out what new person you need to be to adapt to the changes and start working to get there. Don’t seek perfection but see the treasures that lay in-between the frustration and the struggles.
The part of his message that pierced right through my soul was the fact that she has not consciously chosen to be a pain. This made me realise I had unmet expectations of her. Yes, I expected my baby to “baby up” if there was such a thing. I got blinded by my desire to do all these amazing things for myself. Not being able to do everything as planned was like icing on this anxiety cake. Eren’s tantrums have been the cherry on top, making me a very sad person. One of the saddest realities of being a mum, particularly mums that decide to stay home, is that our story to achieving personal aspirations is delayed (Not impossible).
And sometimes it gets frustrating when we see our mates out there making phenomenal moves while we sit at home managing small humans.
It can be very lonely when we see our friends out there having fun with not so much as an invitation for us. A plea to friends of parents, please invite us. Let us have the sad pleasure of saying no. Respectfully.
Another hurtful thing I have experienced is friends that make me feel like I’m overdoing it, because I decide to not show up for most things.
Honestly, I am exhausted just thinking about the potential ways my child could get hurt. Things I don’t even have 100% control over. I think I can pass the night out. I just want to sleep.
I did some research. Developmental regression is when a child who has reached a certain developmental stage begins to lose a previously acquired milestone. It can be caused by stress, by frustration, or by a traumatic event. I’ve learned that it’s a thing and is normal except for some cases a child could be showing early signs of autism or a couple of other mostly brain development complications. Development delay and regression differ in that a child experiencing developmental delay is either not reaching developmental milestones or not progressing to new developmental milestones, while a child experiencing developmental regression will lose milestones and skills after acquiring them. Regression can manifest in different ways but in general, the child is needier. There will be potty accidents like in my case. Temper tantrums, also in my case. Disrupted sleep, behavioural disruption et Al. This should happen for about 2 weeks, anything longer than a month. You may want to pass by the hospital.
It’s been 2 weeks for us. On Valentine’s night the day I realised I was going about it all wrong. I spoke to her as she went to bed. I apologised and requested her to wake me up if she wanted to pee. My people at 11:45 pm while I was in bed with her compiling this very article.
She woke up and said to me;
“Mama, I want to chuchu, take me to the potty.”
Best Valentines gift ever. Not that I’ve ever gotten one. But who is asking? A request to pee warmed my heart. Roses are now red. Progress Report.
She did pee on the bed the next morning. I will not lie that I did not fold my face because I am finally enlightened.
But, I was kinder and more compassionate. I am taking it one day at a time. Until next time. Be kind, be humble, spread love.