The Curse of A Successful Black Woman
I’m a strong, intelligent and driven young black woman. My career is healthy, the world is my oyster. I’m also a part of the first ever breed of black middle-class South Africans. Our parents worked their way into the middle-class tier. We are an evolution of the African economy. We are equal with all races and even more importantly women are also behind the force of change. We, middle-class women, are proud and comfortable with juggling a career, family and social duties. Being a single black mom no longer means that you’re a failure as a woman nor is it a burden or shame. Deciding not to want to have kids is not the work of the devil. Our elders want to see us live up to our dreams.
Pity our peers don’t see it the same way. Why is it that society believes that successful black women do not stand a chance of finding and keeping love? Some even go as saying that we will end up being lesbians. Seriously?!
I recently had a conversation where I felt like I was being condemned for being single and doing well for myself at the tender age of 23. It felt like I’m a sinner.
Yes, my standards are high but they are reasonable for the women I intend to be in the next 5 years. If I don’t compromise with my career nor my life, why should I settle for a love. Some men say I intimidate them and it always leaves me with my jaw on the floor. They complain about gold diggers but when I pay my own way and don’t have the need to be spoilt by someone else, they feel inferior.
This past week, I accepted that those who feel intimidated by my hippie corporate self were never going to have a shot at love with me. As much as I can do it all on my own and handle it pretty well, I still believe that a man should lead especially in the department of relationships. I might be modern but a man should always play his role. It’s not about how much he has in the bank; it’s about him being a leader. He needs to be someone I can trust to keep things on track especially in these empowering days. I want to come home and not have to be CEO.
No woman should ever feel like she should dumb herself down for the sake of walking down the aisle. This stereotype is just another way to keep women from their full potential.
I didn’t create myself and I strongly believe my purpose here is greater than love itself but that does not mean I want a million cats. Somewhere out there, there is a man who is working just as hard to have a woman like me by his side.
Tina / 25 February 2014