By Felly Oyuga
At twenty-two, I told my mother I was pregnant. I was young, unwed and my mother was a staunch Christian. I was expecting her to throw her mug of tea at me. So after blurting out , ‘I’m pregnant!’, I closed my eyes tight and waited for the mug to land on my head.
‘Did you enjoy the sex?’
What? I was shocked! What was she asking me? Well, according to my mother, if you did not enjoy sex with a man, you should leave. She said that after a while the man would disgust you, make your skin crawl. That was not a life a woman would want to live. My mother was at the end of her life. I guess she was looking at things from a point of knowledge. The knowledge you get when you know it is all coming to an end and you realise what was really important. You.
Well I thought I enjoyed the sex ok. I just did not realise how much I did not until almost twelve years later. That is a story for another day.
Women are made to believe that it is our job to please our men sexually. We are not taught how to enjoy sex or how to be pleased. This has seen a rise in ‘sex aunties’/ ssengas/sexologists. It is big business. Women gathering to listen to almost ludicrous instructions on what to do in bed. Then there are the ungodly rituals like smoking vaginas and strange baths. All this to please men in bed. No one mentions anything about pleasure going both ways. Sure, some of these sex freak teachers talk about squirting as the ‘ultimate’ sign of pleasure on the part of the woman, but it is so mechanical. The objective of this squirting is for the man to feel like he is a sex god. And so as a woman you must learn to squirt. We have no time to let it happen naturally. The man’s ego is at stake.
I am of the opinion that the desire to have and enjoy sex comes from within. No one can teach you to enjoy sex. If you know how to enjoy sex, then you will probably make it worth your partner’s while. Everyone will be happy.
As African women and sometimes as African Christian women, we need to unlearn some of the things we know about sex and go back to our primitive instincts when it comes to sex. Sex is not the only ‘sin’ God ‘allows’ you to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex. You can say what you want your partner to do or not to do to you in other words, you have permission to ‘get into it’!
I think we would all do ourselves a favor and allow ourselves from this day forward, the right to enjoy sex. It does not make us loose. Let us stop behaving like circus performers in bed and do what comes naturally. If you allow yourself, I believe you will know what to do. I am not a medical doctor (I am a google certified doctor though!) but can we stop sticking things up our nether regions (I know real doctors will have something to say about this) trying to make them what they are not or what they used to be. Everything is as they should be now, trust nature.
I hereby give you the power to enjoy sex! 🙂