By Vivienne Amijee
In my line of work, customer service, I tend to meet a lot of ladies and we all seem to have related relationship issues: Married and unhappy, taken and blissful, single and lonely, single and happy, in a fling and contented, in a relationship with a cheater, divorced and at the brink of losing it, single mother and overwhelmed with responsibilities, in a parenting relationship with an off and on father of the kids, women who think very low of themselves in terms of physical appearance, in multiple relationships with sponsors and unhappy….the list is endless.
Building healthy relationships is a skill that requires much practice. Time and energy must be invested in order for them to flourish. At work, at school or with friends/partners, we find ourselves in numerous relationships and it’s great to get the support you give; even if it’s just some of it.
What I fail to understand is what romantic relationships between men and women are becoming. The world is filled with emotionally frustrated and drained people. Divorce is at its highest, cheating seems acceptable and polyamory is rampant and normal. To each their own but who do the confused and frustrated turn to for guidance?
Religion dictates that we pray for our spouses from a tender age (marry the wife of your youth etc.), so we pray; but they take too long to show up. The church advocates for marriage counselling before and during marriage but people still go home and fight anyway. In many African traditions a counsel of elders is available to settle disputes, but everyday still seems like a struggle. And many of these resources are available to those already married. What solutions are available for the single and confused? The lonely and searching? The damped and wounded? There is a segment society who want more.
The Fling Generation
The ambitious and working are, at times, too busy to date and socialize. For them it’s convenient to find someone who is equally busy, agree to meet up every so often for “thirst quenches” and bid each other farewell….’til the next ‘Lets meet’ text.
It’s not that bad, there are perks to being single; however, when you are single, you always seem to see happy couples. Then the question on every single woman’s mind becomes, “What do men want?” The need for love and affection is there, but what else?
Most men will answer that question with: A meal, sex and a quiet home (which most have but still stray).
Having A “Thing”
Its not dating: no titles, no commitment, just plain old hooking up when its convenient for him. Women fall for this without knowing what they are in for, then we end up falling for someone who will never claim us. That is how the cookie crumbles and the need of wanting more arises.
What you allow is what persists, we need to demand for more and have the courage to walk away from relationships that do not fulfill us. Do not be afraid to be lonely, you have your friends for support. Divorce does not kill, it only makes you stronger. Always remember to put yourself first at every step of the relationship journey.
Women are moved by what they hear and men by what they see, hence women wear make up and men lie. Choose who you invest your emotions in WISELY.