By Maria Dombaxi

With my birthday coming up soon, I’m starting to learn new things; new experiences; just really trying to understand and get to know myself and the people surrounding me. I’m finding my place not only as a woman but even better as an African woman. Truth is, life is not easy for us; I’m usually not about the self-pity, but us African women have to deal with a lot, especially with the mentality setback. The African continent has yet to work on really hard regarding our status. We work very hard for so little, but you could never tell an African woman, that we don’t RESPECT our men.

I respect African men. I respect those who work hard to feed their families, those who strive for a better life, and those who find ways with so little to make their loved ones happy. In fact I respect them so much that it’s only fair for me to respect myself in order to be worthy of them. Respect works both ways. I should receive just as much as you get, and no woman deserves to be disrespected, even the dirtiest whores of them all, deserves a little respect before destroying 5 dreadful seconds of her dignity.

My sister and I wanted to go out for a few drinks, maybe dinner, treat ourselves to a nice time because we’re always working. And two brothers whom we called friends rang us up and asked if we were up for dinner. Since we were already in the mood, we thought why not?  These were educated men…or boys I should rather say. Boys we knew, and we frequently met up with.  We left the house looking all fresh, beautiful and ready to have a sophisticated dinner with, educated African men. What more could we ask for, right?! Apparently not enough because these “Friends” took us to the cheapest, dirtiest, most embarrassing inn and expected us to throw ourselves in their arms and make love all night.

Let’s get the facts straight:

1-       How clear can a girl be before a man understands that she’s not interested?

2-      How do people confuse politeness with flirting?

3-      What would make a man think that it’s okay to take ANY girl without her consent to a dump, and expect her to comply with his nonsense?

I honestly had mixed feelings about the situation. I was angry and caused a scene. But the truth is I was mostly shocked at how a man could think of me being so worthless, to take me to some filthy, crude inn, for his pleasure and expect me not to overreact. I’m just saying any woman who respects herself should throw a fit. You want to treat me like a whore, at least respect me enough to tell me that I’m getting paid at the end.

The youngest of the two boys asked me, a set of questions that got me wondering if there’s still any decency in the world. He asked me why I was acting like I never had sex, why I was acting like a kid and my favourite one:  “if I took you to my house and we went straight to my room would you have reacted the same way.”


This is where I get down on both knees and pray that no man will ever treat this boy’s daughter in such a manner. But I must say his questions were valid for the insignificant human that he was.

Yes, I would have reacted exactly the same way because you called me out on false pretences.


At that moment, I thought to myself, did he really think that something was going to happen? That I was just going to walk in there and take off my clothes? Is respect today such an obsolete concept in the human dictionary, that people don’t even value your opinion on your own body?

I am not about the life of making men pay for dinner or for anything else as a matter of fact, I find it very uncomfortable and silly and we’re in the 21st century so we must adapt to our time. Many people would probably ask; if he had bought dinner first and took us to the inn after, wouldn’t we have had sex later anyway? NO we wouldn’t have! Just because you paid for dinner doesn’t mean you own my body. I’m not for sale.

Please understand that we’re not merchandise. You cannot take what is mine to give for a salad and some wine. Women always expect men to pay for their meals and don’t give anything in return; my presence, attention and time should be good enough for you if you want to go further. So what, he went straight to dessert and skipped dinner? If I wanted a one night stand, I would go straight to the point.

But I ask you this; if I had accepted to go straight to dessert in that situation, what would you, who would want a respectable, descent wife and mother, think of me? What would I tell my daughters, wanting them to respect their bodies? And how could I ever look at myself in the mirror knowing that I just had sex, under some overused, nauseating sheets, for nothing but 5 pathetic seconds.

I do respect African men, but only those who respect African women.