By Zerida Mponye
It’s been several years and my heart still bleeds for you every day. Sometimes, when I try hard enough, a few hours pass without me thinking of you. And sometimes it doesn’t hurt. I smile to myself, remembering every good thing you’ve ever said to me, all the nice things you did and all the good times we’ve been through together. Sometimes I even chuckle about all the stupid things I’ve done in the name of my love for you.
So maybe I’m doing this all wrong. Maybe I should learn to live with my love for you, instead of trying to pretend it isn’t real. Maybe I should accept the memory of you, make peace with it so it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t try to forget that part of me is broken because of you. Because it only ever works for awhile; and then a song, a movie, an article brings it all back and the tears fall for hours on end… Sometimes days and even months.
I’ve never learned to live with the loss . But maybe it’s time I did. Because no matter how much I love you, you’ll never be mine again. And that kills me. But still, I live.