“Men will always cheat.” “Every man cheats.” “No matter what you do, a man will cheat on you…at least once.” These are the statements trumpeted into one’s ears from childhood compelling us to accept this flawed attitude of lack of self-control on the side of men.
Women are led to come to terms with the fact that, it’s in man’s nature to cheat. And when he does, it’s not because he doesn’t love his partner anymore; it’s just because he’s a man.
Hence for centuries, we have been brought up in a double-standard society where men are excused for their unfaithfulness on the basis of their biological makeup, whereas women are scorned if they also fall short. You ask why and you hear responses like, “A man doesn’t need to fall in love to sleep with anyone. It is just a need to be satisfied. Beauty and attraction doesn’t play a role. But a woman isn’t wired like that. She develops an emotional connection to whoever she sleeps with so that’s where the betrayal lies. That is why men find it unforgivable when their female partners cheat on them. It bruises their ego.”
Whenever I hear these things, I’m torn between feeling repulsed and just shocked. The most unfortunate part is that the culprit of this gospel of ‘ it’s man’s nature’ is done mainly by women. It’s like a way of comforting one another, if they get cheated on. It happens. It’s the world we live in. You will get over it.
Gradually, women are being oriented to leave their men to ‘cheat in peace.’ They will cheat no matter what you do, right? That’s fine but don’t let me catch you. If I get to find out, then we’ll have a problem because you have disrespected me.
When Ghanaian actress Joselyn Dumas said something similar on her ‘Keeping it real with Joselyn Dumas’ show on TV, girl, was I shocked or what? I was beyond disappointed. To think that women should only feel ‘disrespected’ when they find out about their partners’ affair is highly unfortunate. If men require women to be faithful to the letter, why should we require any less of them?
This culture of permissiveness for this behavior should not be allowed to continue. We should quit telling our younger sisters and daughters that it is tolerable. The ‘disrespect’ shown is not in finding out, it’s in participating in cheating whether or not one is caught in the act or not.
Women deserve better. This ‘Leave Men to Cheat in Peace Campaign’ should stop. The fact that men are capable of sleeping around devoid of emotions doesn’t make it any less unacceptable. The act is as grievous as the emotional connection. Let’s teach our boys that and strive for parity in terms of moral obligations to each other.
© Josephine Amoako 2018