Zamira had been awake for a while. She couldn’t make out for how long, but from the gentle rays of sunlight peaking through the darkness of the sky; she knew early morning was approaching. It was normal for her to stay up late. She wondered how she still managed to get up in the morning for work and function throughout the day. Usually it was her over-active brain forcing her to labour on breathing life into one creative idea or the other that kept her up, but this time that wasn’t the case. She was in a reflective state. In deep thought. She slowly sat up, switched on the small lamp resting on her nightstand and reached for the jotter beside it:
The End Of Another Chapter
The clarity that comes in just a few days is in the least intriguing and at most overwhelming. I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve so many times, and each and every time it has been to no avail. But now I need a positive channel to freely unburden. So today I will be free if only for a few minutes:
I’ve decided to accept how I feel.
I care deeply about you. My day’s thoughts are constantly plagued by you. My conscience is constantly with you. But I have to accept this for what it is; a deep connection built on pulling, unvarying chemistry, with no possible future.
Even if the foundation of this is strong, and all we keep doing is building everything else with sand, we’ll always be left with a blue print of an uncompleted building.
I’m going through the phase of just letting go and accepting that someday, I will have the happy ending I want. And by happy ending I mean being able to write and reflect on each chapter, without having to hold back. Living, breathing and absorbing each part of our story as it comes. Not having to accept the half felt, version you offer me. But the real deal. I’m so ready to give it all, so ready to build and love you. So ready to be strong and weak for us both. But I can’t do it alone. I need to do it with your effort, your love and support. I need to see a flourish, a beautiful progression between us. I need a friend in you. Because when all is said and done, I will laugh with my friend, share my secrets with my friend, cry with my friend. Rely on my friend for his strength when I barely have the will to breathe, believe in my friend, teach my friend and learn from my friend. And not to state the obvious but all of this can only be done through a friendship.
I know my mind has been made up, and my heart is sadly trailing behind. She finds it hard to tear herself away and will need some time to recover.
But this is for the best…
I just have to find the nerve to let you know.