A Letter To My Love

By Marie-Helena Mekolo

To the man I love dearly:

Lately, I’ve found my thoughts drifting back to you…..

Remembering our last encounter, trying to decipher some moments and actions, attempting to get a peak at the side of you that’s hidden. I start seeing the good in you: “ Oh, that’s what he truly meant” or “ No, he didn’t mean to be a jerk, he really wanted me to stay” and my ultimate favorite “He cares, he really likes you *insert fabricated reason*”. Then I get angry with myself because why, why, why do I have to convince myself that you care? Why can’t you let me know?

Anyway, even though I have every right to be mad at you, to hate you (cue all the manipulation and emotional blackmail) I do not. Your happiness is my happiness; your success is my success. There is nothing more that I want than to see you win. I’m not your enemy and I truly wish you could see that. But you’re stuck in your own head and feelings. You’re too preoccupied with what I did rather than asking me why I did it.

I wish we talked more, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are. Maybe if I didn’t run away or if you were really who you said you were we wouldn’t be here: not together. Nevertheless, I regret nothing! Every journey, every experience is a lesson learned. I’m learning to foster love rather than hate.

I’m challenging myself to not dwell in pain but in hope. To not accept and expect; but rather aspire to respect and be patient. Loving you has challenged my very being, I am shaken to the core. I questioned everybody and every opportunity coming my way. Still, I do not hate you, nor will I ever take back our moments together. You are special to me:  my love, my pain, my cure, and my nightmare. A beautiful paradox to my existence. Thank you for all the lessons, I don’t think I will ever be able to say this to your face, but I’m all set.

Sayonara my love.

About Teakisi 396 Articles
Teakisi (formerly ElleAfrique) is an English and French blogzine dedicated to challenging and changing the perceptions of African girls and women in the world today.

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